[留學] 第一輪檢討 essay (2)

My short-term goal will be to help Tien-I expand its American market. Originally, I was invited by the company’s General Manager to serve as a marketing manager which was quite rare for a college graduate to be directly hired into a management role. At that time, I promised General Manager that I would make the company stronger and more prosperous. Although I am planning to leave Tien-I for my MBA study, I will never forget my commitment to the company. Currently, Tien-I does not have any business representatives in US. If clients would like to build business relationship with us, they must come to Taiwan directly or via trading companies.

General MBA from Boston University can provide me with business knowledge and American professional networks, so I will be able to open Tien-I’s branch in US. Besides, because of Boston University’s excellent reputation, I will have the chance to secure internship at well-known hand-tools companies, such as Stanley Tools Group or Snap-on Tools. I believe that all the business opportunities are created based on the comprehensive understanding of the field.

1.這段都沒特別提到學校的特點

2.Intership是非常薄弱的一點，刪掉

3.這個分支機構究竟要做啥也不清楚，業務? 客服? 還是市場研究？應該從這點延 伸下 去，有計畫延生到需求。

4.無趣也無理，至少要變成無趣但強烈可行


My long term post-MBA goal is to pursue my own entrepreneurial venture, raise capital, group an IT team, and create a website platform for the public to shop professional hand tools, much like what Amazon.com has done with books. When people want to purchase tools, they would immediately think of my website. I have completely experienced building and successfully managing a B2B website from scratch, but for B2C model of e-commerce, I just know a little. I think that Boston University MBA could supplement my practical experience. At Boston University, I am especially interested in the concentration on Information system. With the specialization in this concentration, I can participate in research and learn the latest technology and marketing methods applied in e-commerce, such as IT strategy, data management and analysis procedures. Another benefit from BU is the practical learning that I will have the chance to be part of the team assigned to a project in a real US company. These knowledge and experience will be the necessary elements to my goals. In addition, international diverse students’ backgrounds are also another plus in Boston University. We can share valuable information of the difference of business cultures, and that multiple-cultures shocks will definitely bring new ideas or inspirations to me. Both my long term and short term goals won’t be reached and developed without a solid MBA study at BU.

5.遺憾，短期目標和長期目標沒有邏輯連結
動機(家族事業) → 讓公司成長→成立米國分部→成功帶來營收成長→責任已了，可以離開家族事業→ 追尋自己夢想→在同一個領域，但要做完全不同事情，走自己的路→創業→B2C 領域→網路創業在中國

6.第二點非常不給力，project in a real US company.，這什麼鳥，連program name都沒寫！！

7.第三點超沒關聯性，international diverse students’ backgrounds和創業的關聯性非常小，這樣寫的確會讓人有很大的疑問。簡單講，這是亂寫！！！